Summer+Little

Tolerant Tolerant, can be such a hard thing to handle. Its really not! People use it all the time. Like when your getting yelled at you have to be tolerant not to deal with it, and not yell back. Sometimes its hard to be tolerant with people. Being tolerant shows what kind of person you are. I showed tolerance. My brother and I two years ago were playing in the snow. It was Valentines day. And my brother was playing in the snow, throwing it up and getting it in his coat. Well he got some down his shirt. So he told my mother that i put snow down his shirt. My mother believed him. I fought with my mother for hours. She finally decided to say she wanted me out. So i went and lived with my grandparents. It was rough but it worked out. I was tolerant.It was tough being tolerant but i did it. To this day i swear my mother was just saying in anger to get out. I’ll never know. Everyone should try to be tolerent. Now I am back home with my mother. Things we good when i got home. Now that i have been home for a while things are tense again.

1. I'm not sure I see a thesis. Try something like, when you're listing of examples of tolerance, include something like "Or when your brother lies about something he did," or something like that for each of the body paragraphs. 2. In your paragraphs, start the paragraph with a sentence that describes the rest of the paragraph. 3. I'm not even sure you did the essay right! You're supposed to tell about three things you're tolerant of, not one in three paragraphs! Anyway, I see details, but not three per paragraph. 4. Yes-